Lots of times parents worry about the lies their children tell. Here is what David Swanson, Psy.D says about that in his very helpful book Help – My Kid is Driving Me Crazy (Penguin Publishing 2009):
“Every child lies. And though it may seem hard to believe, if your child lies to you, she is not thinking about how it will hurt you. Lying is a strategy. When your child lies, she is only thinking of the best way either to avoid a consequence or to get what she wants. Don’t think of it as a personal attack.”
I love looking at lying this way. It isn’t about hurting me as a parent it is about getting something or getting out of something. Lying has consequences just like any other behavior and is a great teaching moment. It doesn’t mean you have a “bad” child, just one who is still learning how to be. So try to keep your cool and help your child rebuild her relationship with you.
Modeling honesty by being so yourself is a great way to help teach your child to be honest. And when your kid is honest with you, acknowledge it! “I really appreciate that you told me about the broken vase even though you were worried about getting into trouble…It makes me feel like I can really trust you” is a great way to catch and reinforce your child’s truthfulness.
Remember the power of “I” statements when working with your child. “I feel worried and mistrustful when you lie to me” is about you and will be much easier for your child to hear and take in.
