These are based on and a summary of the skills talked about by the great couples therapist and researcher John Gottman as interpreted by Kendall Evans, LMFT:
- Get to know one another
- Find ways to nurture admiration and fondness for each other
- BE NICE to each other
- Allow your partner to influence you (it works both ways)
- Work to sort out your fixable problems, figure out how to deal/cope with your unsolvable problems and learn which are which
- Learn to ask for help
- Create shared experiences, meaning and connections
- Learn to soften the beginning of a complaint or criticism
- Assume the best of each other not the worst
- Treat each other respectfully, don’t attack, listen openly not defensively
- When in conflict, use positive affect during discussions and in other ways try to mitigate the neative effect(s) of the conflict
- Do not “stuff” negative feelings forever, be carefully open about problems and issues
